Lately, I've been closely examining the most important relationships I have in my life. One thing I'm consistently noticing is my challenge to take responsibility in the interactions I have with those people. That is, I find it so much easier to either:
1) blame someone in an interaction or at the very least;
2) tell them how they could have better approached the situation!
It takes dedicated commitment to really see a situation from all angles, not just my own. And I'm not just taking about conflicts, but simple day to day conversations.
To truly see a situation from all angles, it requires building the capacity to hold our emotions; when we're overwhelmed by our own emotions it narrows our ability to see things clearly. And we unconsciously start to live by this statement:
I can only see what I feel.
Unfortunately for us (and especially the person we're interacting with!), that isn't accurate representation of reality. Now experiencing and acknowledging emotions is one thing, but it's also important to see they work to protect the ego. After all, the ego never wants to admit that it is wrong.
Taking responsibility often results in acknowledging to another person that we need to change a habit or outlook that has been ingrained in us. That's confronting! And when we are confronted by something, that can evoke fear.
So what do we do about it? In my own life, a few things have helped me. I still struggle to do them, but when I can, my interactions with my loved ones become so much richer and deeper:
1) In the instances where I am called out on something, I try to not become automatically defensive.
2) I speak about my fear and my resistance/inability to make the change that is required.
3) I ask for help from that person in a very specific and tangible way that doesn't differ all responsibility to them!
What do you do when the fear of change prevents you from taking responsibility? Please share your thoughts and realizations in the comments below!
This piece is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing. I also find it's much easier to blame than to take responsibility. It's not easy to face myself and know that all the blackness in my heart is my own doing - it's intense! But from tiny experiences I know it's also such a relief to let go of the negativity. Sounds cliche, but I'm often in a negative spiral before I realize how negative I am feeling, and then it's hard to get out of, especially when realizing it's my own fault. Does that make sense? Knowing you personally, I know how much you are constantly working on yourself, to try to be an even better person than you already are! It's an inspiration, and we all benefit from your realizations. Thank you so much. xo
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your beautiful heart RB! It's so true! When we can let go of the negativity, we find such relief. And yes, it makes complete sense what you said. I especially find it difficult in the moment to make myself vulnerable to the other person, especially when my heart hears the ring of truth to what they are saying. PAINFUL! That's when my ego really gets up in arms and wants to ignore and resist. Praying to let the truth in and ask for help more often. Thank YOU especially for always being so patient with me. xo
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